Where's my phone?

love is........a happy husband


I went home for a good sleep but am flat out in the morning and night fielding calls and getting supplies for the next day.  Little big stone is home doing chores and beginning cleaning I should say disinfecting.  He slipped up yesterday so hope some work is done today.
So happy,  I bought mark II  pair of slippers which are slip ons and easier for Colin to get on.
I have such angels in the wing waiting and be patient people.  I will be wanting dinners for him as  this food is indescribable.  But actually the beef stroganoff was yummy last night but Colins stomach didn't agree.
There are major hurdles with sanitizing food and his tastes.  Everything he liked before gets an unhappy face at the moment.
He was out for a procedure which entailed drugs so all afternoon he has slept heavily which I think is good for him. I have hardly spoken to him.  Suddenly it is after 5 pm and dinner arrives but I dare not wake him.  The nurse recommends he sit up in the chair for a meal.  I have been spoon feeding him but At lunch time I made him do more for himself by pushing the table up to him.  Fabulous he ate the meat stew.  Unfortunately his sister and partner had visited but not seen him
MARY H came to get me and bring me home. Good to talk. 
Email me your messages. We read them all but too hard to reply.
Colin is now asking for his phone and checking for messages so please send text to him.  It gives him positivity and a link to the outside world.
Mob 0212606670
Sorry still no visiting
Except for family and sisters.
I asked Colin if he wanted visitors but he said No,  not yet.
His body has had an onslaught and he is still hooked to the life-giving drips and Bloods daily.
Because toileting is an issue it is still uncomfortable especially when he can't move fast so hope you understand.
Plus it is not good with us bug infested people  bringing in our dangerous bugs.
We have become germ phobic!
Just bought huge bottle of disinfectant and wipes.  Going to need a truck load.
I hope I have more time tomorrow but got some big chores done today.
I knew there were not enough hours In the day but now I swear someone stolen them well away.
Here is a great photo of Colin eating dinner by himself.  See my little kitchen. The window sill is my office. 
Was thinking of washing clothes there but knew a Chinese laundry was not a good  look.
Example of dinner which he ate one night
yes that is a petal cupcake box. drastic measures. it was good.

Riding the Roller-coaster

Love is....  All around you
Yes I know that is a song,  one we could dance to

The Roller-coaster across the bottom has begun.
Infections and spiking temps  mean lots of observations and Bloods and pills and fluids, Dr's and samples.
More toileting
Have to be so careful with infections and cleanliness especially food prep and type.
Sterile wiped my phone.  Yucky.  Do you know how dirty that was?
I know you are all going to do that too.

STOP CHEMO PARTY
I had a party for one as Colin was totally asleep.  I ate 2 slices of cake that Denise delivered just at the right time.  Shared with lovely nurse Claire. I could have lit a candle if I had one.
Just shared chocolates too with the night staff as they are pretty tired and appreciate it.
Plan to butter them up so when I am not here they will take extra care of Colin.
Anyway best for me not to eat too much

Life is in this room and between toileting there is a lot to do believe it or not.
Cleaning and prep.  Food organising.  Helping him with mouth wash,  tablets (had about 8 at once last night. Hopefully will manage to shower him sometime today.

Visiting next week maybe:
Shortly I will send you a link to choose visiting. 
Between 2-4 pm
Only 1 set of visitors each day at first
Please wear colour to make it cheery
No flowers due to infections
Don't touch Colin please,  a wave will be enough
Do the microshield  or hand wash on entry and exit
He will love to see you but I cannot guarantee how he will be each day
Thanks

AM
Doctors round and looks like he has a chest infection.  Now AB change broad spectrum.  He is really tired and I have finally got all the cares sorted by11am so having a sit down and a cracker snack for me.
Good news his weight is stable as I am trying to feed all the time between up and go and food.  He gets grumpy with me.  Ha

PM
After eating his macaroni I ducked out to Newmarket with BFF Glenda and Susie for lunch and to get supplies and a bit of a break.   A life saver and thanks girls,  just to take my mind off it for a we while. I come in to see him brighter and I made a banana chocolate ice cream yoghurt Smoothie.  Trying to get good bacteria into his gut. 

Looking up

Love is..... Being able to phone a friend,  a friend, a friend.......

My stay last night was a bit better.  I went home to shower and cat napped on the way back to the hospital yesterday  Brendon and Cameron visited when they took me back and Colin was talking oddly again which made us chuckle.  A reaction to one of the anti nausea drugs.
Did have a major in one of our bathroom visits.  Suffice to say I called the nurses as I didn't know where to start and they are wonderful and so kind up here.
Glad I wasn't a nurse because it is okay doing cares for Colin but not for someone I don't know.
Jenny wong said this ward opened only months ago and it is so specialized.  Am so impressed as the nurses are specialised as well.

He is eating really well which is good considering what is served  but I have a stash in the fridge and will go out when able to get food.
They are not allowed take aways or cold food.  Basically all home made.  Can not keep in fridge more than 2days. Bacteria
We have become bacteria phobic.
AM
Colin is better with personal  cares today and was able to  brush teeth and eat by himself.
Had an episode of fever and more drugs.  Just learning this is common.  All Topsy turvey.
2 steps forward 1 back but can go any way every hour of the day.
PM
On walking to Newmarket friend Susie was close by and helped me shop and returned me to the hospital.  Nice break.
Sister Julie bought in yum char and Colin enjoyed a mini second lunch.  Fab. Even ate a tiny bit for lunch but I might have pushed too had and he was uncomfortably full. 5 small meals better and using the supplement drinks.
Progress. Friends and family turning up just when needed.  Denise popped in and bought cakes.  Just what I felt like and shred with our lovely nurse Claire.
Night
A change again as his temperature rises high and they call the registrar and urologist.  All common problems but trying to work out where the infection is coming from now so they can target the antibiotics. I have decided to stay again as he is shivering and unstable on his feet.
Yayyy
Last of the chemo stopped this afternoon.

Bitter.. Bother.. Better

Hi Love is........ Doing all the cares for hubby,  and loving it.
Even when we were up hourly from the diarrhea.
Let you know if I still love it in 6 months.  Ha
His delirium went on all night where he talked fast and flat out.  You know that is unusual.
I called out Colin - "go to sleep" and he woke saying, "was I talking again?"
Yes I said  relax
We giggled
CT scan came back clear from brain bled which can happen with low platelets
Last night Evey and Billy came and brought us dinner.  Yum Rice and egg with meat and peas.  Just perfect. Plus toothbrush and breakfast goodies. Thanks.
Colin had his second dinner of the night.  Was like himself.
No wonder he is sleeping so much during the day.  No sleep all night with the toilet stops
Hotel Auckland Hilton
Hey just letting you know we have
-ensuite
-emergency call buttons
-free meals for 1 delivered to room
-free gloves
-Free linen
-round the clock nursing care
-sterilizer for bed pan
-heaps of bottles of sanitizer
-free coffee-and-tea
-free mouthwash
-free TV but Billy wanted Sky!  That's pushing it
-free headphones
-free phone but not to mobiles
-air conditioning
-comodes and shower chairs,
-temperature  and vitals taken regularly
-access to immediate scanning,  x-ray,  blood testing,  ultrasound,  heart monitoring
-free internet
-free doctor visits to room
-free ice cream and milk in the kitchen too.
-free DRUGS !
-also free walker and personal trainer (really a physio)
And I don't have to pay water or land rates,  power or phone bills
ANYONE WANT TO JOIN US?
View not bad either.  What more could you ask for.
Just a little difficult to sleep with all the people coming in and out of your room,  but they are really nice ladies and some men. Cleaning all done too!
Oh, only  if you want a room here you have to act really really sick,  of course.
If the dance crowd come we could turn this floor into an apartment.
Billy said the floor is good for dancing on!

Goodie Goodie gumdrops

I have arrived with trepidation as I look around the curtain to see  if this is a good hour or a bad hour.
A good morning.   I hated leaving last night but I knew it was worse for me to stay and the nurses take control when I reiterated my fear of him falling as he is so Shakey and his determination not to ask for help.
The infection is being fought as he feels better,  at least we can actually talk today.  He had diarrhea and now in a gown.  I said not used to sitting down in a dress as you need to ease the fabric or it pulls at the neck.
I eat my lunch in the lunch room and clean up with boiled water as infection is a major.  Colin keeps telling me to sterilize my hands.
Guess when I go home I will buy it by the truck load and smear it everywhere. Icky Icky
My suggestion of taking to the Cat with didn't bring up good visuals!

He ate Mum's jook thank goodness and I was so stressed and cranky this morning I wasn't going to take it.  I had been toting food and just pouring it down the sink as he was eating by the spoonful. Thanks mum. So glad you made me take it.  Sorry for the out burst.
Doing something little like eat has weakened him so  quick chat and bye bye again.

Room with a view
Yayyyy .  I have made a plea with the head nurse as I saw a vacant room and I get it shortly.  I can get a lazy boy and sleep and also have our own fridge and more space and privacy.  Must be your prayers for him.  Thank goodness.  Less noisy visitors  much better for him.
This is an up day at the moment.
I feel so relieved and way better. The messages are all read and help to get me back on track with my thinking.

Weight lose/gains.
I unfortunately lost weight then gained some back. Unbelievable but because I am so sedentary I am not burning enough calories.  Should do 5000  to 10000 steps per day.  I was probably doing 1000 or less.  Not good.  The bowel packed up to.  Just telling you to warn you.  All go and make sure you see your doctor with any niggles and get a blood test done annually.  Over 50s should all have a colonoscopy.  Get exercising and keep up the dancing.
Watch what you eat.

Doctor just stopped and said it is still going to be a bit rough after the chemo.  Fevers,  shakes etc body is working through it  but necessary

The Hilton hotel
It's not but it feels like it after the back Packers dormitory.i have never been so excited to see a lazyboy
i have to stay ton ight as the nurses and Colin asked me to. 
The rollrcoaster of his up down condition is becoming clear and i am getting used to it.
Now i know why i didnt want to be a nurse. Now doing bedpan, urinals, feeding, washing and cleaning up after bowel motions. 
all good though. i may not  be posting tomorrow as have no chord to charge battery. didnt know i was staying.
all comfy here at the Hilton. 
Meals being delivered even.
Night all

Sliding down the bath

Love is..... Enduring
Yesterday
Man that was tough and I was tired with only 5 hours sleep I was cranky.  I usually get up after 8.30am but have slept to after 6 this morning.
Colin was so sick he got an infection so slam him with the mega dose antibiotics.
But he is weak and exhausted and I told the nurses he can not manage toileting.
His chest is sore so x-rays  and Bloods  which are difficult to get. They take from the line in his chest but because it may be infected then also have to take from his arm.  I have to leave at 7pm because I can't take seeing him like that.  Today is another day.

Please keep praying  because I am feeling your prayers and I know he is.  Please visualise the chemo killing off the badies and the good cells regenerating.

If I can just stop crashing like this then I will get stronger and cope better. I am listening to your positivity and it helps. Heaps.

I will post onto the bottom of the post with progress as the day unfolds,  so check at nighy again.
The Rock felt like it was in the furnace turning molten last night  but I am now out of the furnace.

Food
I read the food protocol yesterday and I have a lot to learn.

Views
Hey guys I have had over 1200 views since I started this blogging and even some people from Australia and the odd person from the world like France. If they google something like leukemia it may come up. I can track how many views per day and so I know I am not talking to thin air. Ha

(My tablet has jammed so may have to do a new post when I get to hospital, stupid thing that I actually love, like it is going into sympathy with Colin and getting sick. Lucky I can buy a new one ot these. If it was so simple)

YOU ROCK

Dad was my BOULDER ,
He rolled away in 2000
Colin is my ROCK
My 3 sons are STONES
Rocks in the making
PEBBLES are our friends and family
I am SAND lying around the rocks,  stones and pebbles
I have no substance
NO!
Suddenly
I AM THE  ROCK
He is the sand
Stay with me
Stay............
The tide is drawing us out
But the rocks stones and pebbles
Join together to be strong
Stronger
Strength
Hey
I am the Rock.

POLPS

Love is..... Having support from amazing friends and family.

Hey guys,   though you haven't been able to get to see me and Colin,  we SO know you are  there for us and just the messages are enough for now.
Will be calling you for sure but having trouble remember all of it.  So forgive my forgetfulness.

POLP
(Partners of leukemia patients)
This is the name I have given  to us partners
There is this amazing godsend polp  called Sandra
Yes a version of the other one we know.
She
-talks flat out
-is effervescent
-is a fountain of knowledge
- is kind and helpful
-is cooking up a storm in the mini oven
- has sassy spiked hairdo
-wears colourful clothes and perfect makeup
- says  don't hesitate to ask her for help!! :-D

Yes remind you of some one else?  Truly like a NZ copy
She is teaching me the ropes and I am learning as fast as I can
Her husband is 2 weeks now we are 1.

She is cooking lamb chops,  courgette slice,  cheese toasties etc

The bath
Sandra said treatment is like a bath shape
During chemo it is the slide down one side and they get really low
Then when it stops they go along the bottom for quite a while just on a plateau
Finally they start to climb out as they improve.
There will be lots of baths though.
I can handle it

Visiting
Still NO visiting just yet but will be soon,  we will need you to break the tedium.  
Nick is setting up a spread sheet and I will send it out for you to choose a time so there are not too many people  at once,  or on one day.
Golly we have about 5 weeks to fill in
Please don't come if you have been in contact with sick  children (measles,  mumps,  chicken pox,  colds etc in the last 3 weeks)
Or if you are not well with colds,  coughs,  diarrhea or vomiting,  virus,  infections
It is just not fair on Colin or other patients
Their immune system is compromised as they have no defense mechanism to fight bugs

DAY 8
Can you believe it.  Day 8!
This time last week I was having my hair done,  blissfully planning my day unaware of the events to follow.
Glenda has picked me up and brought goodies and we arrive at lunchtime
Colin is sitting up eating breakfast.  He is chipper and looking way better.
I can't  believe it he ate the whole plate of egg.
We have chatted and now he is tired.
I got told off: "moving the  bed up and down makes me feel sick"
This is a good sign. 
More smiles today.  My heart is healing a bit,  cautiously.
I see My Colin again
:-) 

afternoon:

Not so good this afternoon. cranky at me but that is fine.
I sit here with the ticking of the life giving pumps putting in chemo, fluids and blood
His pin cushion arms are a bit better and the bruising is still there over his chest and arms.
His skin is delicate so great care with showering but a quiet afternoon

Night:

I am not going to tell you this is easy. He is not good now. picked up an infection which is common now. 
Bummer. Antibiotics
Plus they tell me he is having Chemo for 7 days now but we are day 5 
Chemo so 2 more days. Hold on dear hold on.

Up DOWN, UP UP down - is it the waltz steps

DAY  7

Colin is very up and down all day with how he feels.

Not so positives:
-Nausea the worst but drugs work for short periods
-hard to eat
-Shitty chemicals pumping in
- low red blood cells
-feeling exhausted
-hair will drop out
-hard going to toilet when you feel yucky +++

Positives:
-lumbar puncture is clear
-ultra sound clear
-heart ok
-chest okay
- hardly any hair anyway.  Haircut not needed.
-hair grows back curly!
-spending lots of time with him and he doesn't talk back!

His colleague visited with her husband,  Primla and it is okay for Doctor colleagues to visit only.
love the green maori fish hookl. reads:
symbol of plenty, determination, prosperity, safe journey over water, good health.

Treatment
Chemo for 5 days which is infused over 22 hours.  Day 3 now.
Fab a 2 hour break.  Knock the baddie cells off their perch.
Other drugs,  preventative nausea
Blood transfusions for 3 days now as haemoglobin dropped below 90

Friend Mary H was taxi and  Nick will pick up and sort dinner
Brendon sat with Colin for 1 1/2 hours while I went to lunch with Faye,  Kevin and Carol.
Lovely to see the day,  feel the heat and change the subject and view.

COO COO CA CHOO, SHOO

Love is.....  Cooing aloud for a mate.... NOT

not on my rooftop Mr grey ring necked dove,  every morning at 6 am!!
This is why we were so tired but Colin especially last week
Tried
- slamming windows
-yelling at it
-waving stick with plastic bag on end

I finally saw it yesterday. 
Got up in search of the airsoft gun but realised I might do myself an injury or crack a roof tile

Any suggestions?
Could make the Lucy cat sleep on the roof?
Paint pictures of cats all over the roof.
Find a female dove but then there would be little doves.
Get a slingshot
Shift houses.

Arggh.
Probably one is better than some,  as friend Mary has at her place.

Comment below

Sorry, NO VISITING

Sorry guys.  Colin  feeling unwell with the chemo.
He has it for 22hrs a day.  Think it goes for 10 days but I haven't been in when the doctors visit.
I asked if he wanted visitors and he says no.  Feeling disappointed but the situation  can change anyime

Good news he ate 2 of Daphne's won tons and said  "that was nice"
I am so relieved .  He doesn't even say that about my cooking!
Perfect timing with meds.

We have tons of food and he is eating by the spoonful now.
I have heaps to learn about the treatment
Will read up tomorrow

I'm OK..... He's OK

Love is..... Relief for him when the Anti nausea works.  Kind of
Colin was better this morning but felt sick by the time we arrived at lunch.  The tablets work and he is tired out now. Cameron has driven me in and I show him where to park and do pick ups
Only ate mashed potatoes and tiny bit fruit salad
Can't talk to him for long as he needs rest
Bloods have improved so slightly so more transfusion.  (I better go back and be a donor,  reluctantly)
Short visit from aunt Jenny and uncle Peter and Carolyn and now it is all quiet.
Everyone's regime is different
I am slowly learning the ropes
I woke last night thinking about all the things I have to do.  Administrative stuff.  So going to be tired but Daphne and Colin will pick me up and visit bringing dinner. Debbie has just left after a long chat.
Brought in a comb for Colin.  Forgot he won't need it shortly. Was just worrying how I was going to cut his hair as well. Going to be a new look.
Want to talk to him but he sleeps all the time. 

Is it sunny outside?

Day 5 Friday
I have lost track of days.  One week feels like a month.
Colin started the chemo last night and had an okay night and was up this morning to shower and shave.
I have arrived at hospital at lunch time but lunch was not kept down.   Sorry bout the jook Mum.
More drugs to counteract that but he always had  a terrible  stomach and I was surprised he managed to go cruising at all.

Just gone through some emails and trying to read newspaper to him but he is not able to keep awake .
He had a blood transfusion  because the haemoglobin was way low.  Going to be many more transfusions.

Di and Phil came and we just chatted. Colin slept the whole time.  A beautiful cream sponge which Colin couldn't eat but any other time would have devoured.  Well guess who is eating it? With Mary Youngs cookies I might be gaining back weight rapidly as not doing much walking.  Eating Sandra's chow farn for dinner is wonderful and I feel better today.  Stronger.  Apart from breaking down when Colin's staff start crying too when I go in to get the stupid blisters dressed.   Yesterday He enjoyed the muffin Rosie Julie's sister brought up to him.  Not interested in eating now and just hope his mouth doesn't ulcer. 

Nursing,  physio,  masseur,  tea lady,  Secretary,  typist,  reader, yoga instructor.

Yesterday I had a plan.  I did all of the above.  I forgot that I had a skill.  To keep Colin from wasting muscles or dvts or skin ulcers,  I massaged oils and took him through the exercise program and breathing regime I devised while lying awake unable to sleep. 
He is too tired to read emails so I read to him and typed out the replies.  Fetched drinks,  toileted him,  showered him,  gave mouth rinses and all the rest.
It was great.  I should have been a nurse.  (see how I go in 6 months)
Dr  Rutter told me when I wanted to train,  no you don't want to be a nurse and wash private parts,  do bedpans and cut toe  nails do you? Enough said that is why I did Physio.
Forget it.   Plan  A in the bin as he is too sick and nauseous today.
It is kind of a bugger you have to eat and go to the toilet when you are sick.
(he has to unplug the drip and trundle it  off to the toilet)

Lumbar puncture
Unfortunately they tried  heaps but he has such a stiff back after laminectomy it was unsuccessful
Checking for extent of cancer
Anethetist  will have to do it later

Visiting

Don't worry about bringing food,  he can't handle it yet.
NO FLOWERS on the ward either.  Trying to keep it sterile.  Some super sick people there.
It is the bone marrow ward
Probably best to avoid visiting till he is better. 
Phil brought some photos to look at.  Will put into an album for him

Phil Lynch was my taxi today.  Thanks for that and all the messages,  food and help. 
You don't realise how much of  a difference it makes. 

Sorry Mary I blurred the photo

Visiting

Colin was pretty wiped out last night and his body is assimilating the chemo.

Please visit for short times 1/2 hour probably long enough if he is tired.
10 minutes if there are other people
It is good for him to see you

There is a Whanau  room down by room 20 at the end of the corridor
Kitchenette next to it.
You can use the room to wait and get a cuppa in the kitchen. Hot and cold water comes out of the tap.
Heat up food etc
(unfortunately there seems to be a Whanau resident in there,  but you can sit in the gym too)

If I am not there you can ask him if he wants a drink.
There are green tea bags beside him.  Don't give him normal tea if possible, no coffee
Milo okay.
I will see what his appetite is like today.

He is having trouble focusing on subjects and is big effort to concentrate and socialise.
I just tell him what is going on.   Will take up the paper and read to him.
Help him to toilet or with food,  tidy up,  help with mouth washes.
So you can do that too if I am not there.
Good for him to do things to keep his muscles strong. 

The nurse said he is so good and not complaining and that is him

Thanks
All the messages and emails,  text we are receiving and he likes them. They are lovely. Positive thoughts etc are making us stronger.
Too hard to reply to all.

XXXOOOOXXX

:-)

Hey Brendon

Visiting Dad yo

Three kisses three wishes

COLIN and I always kissed goodbye in the morning,  on return from work and goodnight. At least 3 times a day.  I read some where that it was like a free happy thing and it works.
Now I have 3 wishes to go with it
1. Get healthy
2. Get healthy
3. Get healthy

He can do it.!!!

Good day
So far it is a good day.  Colin had procedures all morning and we had to wait a long time for him to return this afternoon from his heart echo . Results were good and the go ahead to start Chemotherapy. His sisters niece and mother had a short visit before the nurse came to give us the low down.  I am sitting here with Brendon and Colin is sleeping while listening to the news.  The little pump is infusing his body with the chemicals to kill off the cancer.  I am willing it to work,  so hard. 

From now on he has chemo for 10 days twice a day.  Might get nausea tonight so see what happens.  His mouth will get tender and sensitive.  Do mouthwashes.
I haven't read the info booklet yet.  Red chemo will turn urine pink

When you come visiting check in at the desk and you answer  a medical form of 2 questions.  Then Wash Your hands well.

He has gone off chicken which I bought for him. Never mind I ate it.  Evidently the meals cater for the illness and must say the dinner looked appetizing.  MORE funding? Think soup is in order.  He may not eat much due to the chemo. 
Been told later he needs home cooked meals and no takeaways.  They will give me the info on what to eat.

Benefits of being chubby;
Under stress when you lose weight,  you got more to come and go on.
I knew being skinny has it's negatives.

Benefits of crying heapz:
Your wrinkles dissappear  a bit. Cheap beauty treatment,  sort of.  The bloodshot eyes aren't a good look though.

There is a lounge with good kitchenette next door.  See pix.
Public toilet next to it down corridor

I feel better and might crash again tonight.  Could hear the coo coo bird in the distance this morning but he must have pissed of someone else.
Thinking about using Nicks airsoft gun but lucy cat caught a sparrow.  Pleased as punch but we got it off her in time last night.  Could be messy.

Nighty night

A day like no other

19 January 2015
A day like no other.
testing times as Colin discovers by blood tests he has abnormal results.
Of course I am at the hairdresser with goop in my hair,  without my mobile which is charging at home.
When Colin tells me that his platelets are low and he needs immediate admission,  we both know what is suspected.
He is admitted to Middlemore and there in starts the barrage of bloods, bone marrow biopsy,  ultrasounds,  ecg  etc.
Looking like a pin cushion but in veritable Colin style there is  Not one complaint.
He is so strong and selfless.  My wonderful husband.
I know how he is on the inside which belies the visual outside.

20 January  Tuesday
I have to cancel dance class indefinitely.  A sad moment.
The hardest is pushing the send button on the email to the dance group friends.
I look around before I push send.  Am I having a nightmare and Colin is home with me?
No
Tomorrow he transfers to Auckland Hospital where they specialize in this type of blood illness.
The preliminary diagnosis is Acute myeloid leukemia.
Our lovely 3 sons are here and Colin is more cheerful.   A colleague visits.
I have to go home as I am exhausted but end up going to bed late fielding calls and talking to my sister.
All the talking helps and all the offers of support is amazing us.
Thanks my friends

21 January
Auckland hospital ward 11 Motutapu Unit
Room 13a
Colin is tired but okay.  His biopsy site is sore but fine.
He is eating fine and I think would love some Chinese food but I have no energy  to drive or shop or cook.  I am a crying mess.  So are the people in the room around us.

The specialist speaks to us this afternoon.  The scenario is not great for over 60 year old.  Not the worst but intermediate.  No mention of prognosis is possible  yet.
4 to 6 week initial stay for chemotherapy and if he goes into remission that is the hope. 
But just the beginning because it is unlikely to get rid of it.
Later treatments of bone marrow transplant are not worth discussing this early.

There is a long road of tests transfusions,  procedures,  hospitalization
We are talking at least 6 months.

I have to leave at 4.30pm  to get my ride home and I feel horrible leaving.  Can't  think  can't function properly.

People do not visit if they have illness or been in contact with measles or chickpox or had illness like diarrhoea. Need to sanitize hands on entering ward.

Aim:
Be positive
Take one day at a time
Try my very best